written by It’s Kind of a Funny Story (via c-oquetry)
I can’t be sure if it was college that made me like this. But when I think back, I’ve always been like this.
I love Fridays and Saturdays, I hate Sundays. No, I’m not the partying type or the drinking type. Since I started college, I’ve almost embraced my alone time more than I did in my previous years. I absolutely love staying up on these days, drinking coffee, working on homework or art while watching a shit ton of anime on my laptop.
I don’t like admitting it, but I think I’ve become much more of an introvert after starting college, preferring to spend my free time alone or with family rather than hanging out with a friend for a whole day, putting on a false image upfront regardless of how close we may be. It gets tiring. I’m not a shy person by nature, so I’m not an introvert because I’m unable to socialize with people. I just don’t try to approach people anymore. If we’re meant to be friends, it’ll happen.
I’ve narrowed my close friends down to only a few that I can count on one hand, and they’re the ones I’ve kept hanging out with outside of school. It’s not like I did it intentionally, I just stopped putting the excessive effort into people that don’t do the same for me. I’ve realized this past high school, and although it may make me a good person, it’s not in my place to satisfy those that don’t realize they need to eventually repay the favor.
I’ve ultimately become more open with who I really am. I’ve already experienced a relationship, and I’m done with that for awhile. I like being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want, no restrictions. Girls left and right wish they were in a relationship, and although yes, it’s a wonderful experience, people forget to embrace their freedom. You have a whole lifetime for love.
And because I have no one to try and impress anymore, I’ve been able to enjoy myself more, both responsibly and worth my time. So for now, I’m okay with late Friday and Saturday nights, working on art, watching anime, fully immersed in what I’m doing and the stillness of everything around me before jumping right back into reality.
I’m one of those girls that hangs out with more boys than girls. It’s not that I choose to be that way and be selective with who I socialize with (I find those girls that subtly brag about only hanging out with guys so fucking annoying cause it makes them ‘cool’).
By nature I’m not a girly person in the least. If you know me well, you know I’m not girly. I have two close girl friends and that is all. Two. The rest are boys, and bottom line, it’s because I like being perverted and sexual, crude, make fun of friends straight out without worrying someone will talk shit behind my back, drama free situations, not having to act like a girl, talking about video games or dope movies, listening and talking about real music and not radio overplays or 13 year old jams, and having ridiculous conversations without making someone feel out of the loop and uncomfortable.
All my close friends to this day have mostly been guys with that exception of two. Since second or third grade elementary, my best friend was a boy. And it may be preference or compatibility, I don’t know, that’s who I am.
But up until recently, I remembered a specific trait that I especially and absolutely dislike about guys, and it’s their inability to interact with everyone as a whole when someone is more interesting than the others.
All throughout high school I have lived, experienced, and witnessed this more than I can count. And it’s flat out awkward and uncomfortable for the people that have to be involved when someone is focused on one person over the rest. Third wheeling situations is the absolute worst, no one wants to be in those. Feeling discomfort and having no way out is an unimaginable but known feeling to everyone. It makes you feel so uneasy that you feel awkward to move.
It’s interesting how different every individual’s values can be from others. I as a person am someone who will always go out of my way to include everyone, and it straight out confuses me when people will have the audacity to leave people awkwardly to the side and only care for their own motives. In large group hang outs, I will sacrifice enjoying myself with friends just to include the ones that stray to the side by themselves because essentially, how can you just leave someone by themselves and choose others over them?
Whether it be one person or a group of people, it will always make people talk about it or think it when someone does this, stimulating discomfort. It can be rude to some extent, but overall, it makes you an individual with narrow objectives, something I personally believe people need to develop in order to become better people.
I’ve observed all these years that guys often do this, and it bothers me so much that my interest in the friendship between us falters each time. If they can’t simply include you in situations where they clearly find someone more interesting, what does that say about them as a friend? I question these things all the time, and friendship to me is no simple matter. I keep those in my life that show the worth in return.
I live by not wasting time on things that do waste time on me.
Small things like this remind me to be a better, friendlier, more compassionate person. Although I put through a lot to help those around me or to make them happy, I will never tolerate the short end of the stick, and I know how to spend my time accordingly.
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